The Plumber on Run

A man knocked the door of house. The lady opened the door.

The man said, "I am the here on the run, to fix your leaky pipe."

The Lady said, "We don't have any leaky pipe here."


The plumber on run, says, "My note reads, your house called for a Plumbing Emergency, address looks exact, Aren't you Mrs. Mathur?"

The Lady says, "No, Mathurs moved away about a year back from this house. We are Sharmas."

The plumber grimaces, "What kind of people are they, Calls for an Emergency repair and then move away."

i-phone Review

Did you Hear?

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam!"

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A pachydermatologist

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

What is a zebra?
25 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
and what kind of lettuce? Iceberg.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep/the one that can run the fastest.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.

A Really Good Deed

A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."

"How current is your copy?" he asks.

"I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies, "why do you ask?"

"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was immanent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."

"I'm glad to hear that," St. Peter says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?"

The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Humm, well there was this one time when I was drivin' down a road and I saw a giant group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of 'em torturing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-6, 280 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next.

"So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, "Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!"

St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen?"

"About three minutes ago."

Temperance Sermon

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."

Baked Beans and Birthday Surprise

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up eating beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.

I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than stinking cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.

The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.

He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"!! I nearly died!!!

Women's Language !!!

"Yes" = No

"No" = Yes

"Maybe" = No

"I'm sorry." = you'll be sorry.

“ We need" = I want

"It's your decision" = the correct decision should be obvious by now.

“ Do what you want" = you'll pay for this later.

“ We need to talk" = I need to complain

"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to.

“ I'm not upset" = of course I'm upset, you moron!

“ You're ... so manly" = you need a shave and you sweat a lot.

“ You're certainly attentive tonight" = is sex all you ever think about?

“ Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs.

“ This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house.

“ I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

“ Hang the picture there" = NO, I mean hang it there!

“ I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep.

“ Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

“ How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like.

“ I'll be ready in a minute." = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

“ Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.

“ You have to learn to communicate." = Just agree with me.

“ Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead.]

“ Was that the baby?" = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

“ I'm not yelling!" = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

Famous Funny Quotes . . .

-- I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain

-- Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting. - Karl Wallenda

-- Well done is better than well said. - Benjamin Franklin

-- There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. - Oscar Wilde

-- You must believe in free will; there is no choice. - Isaac Bashevis Singer

-- Be sincere; be brief; be seated. - Franklin D. Roosevelt

-- Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt

-- From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. - Sir Winston Churchill

-- When you have got an elephant by the hind leg, and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run. - Abraham Lincoln

-- You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time. - Abraham Lincoln

-- A camel is a horse designed by committee. -Sir Alec Issigonis

-- Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open. - Sir James Dewar

-- Act in the valley so that you need not fear those who stand on the hill. - Danish proverb

-- Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises. - Samuel Butler

-- If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. - Anatole France

-- Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. - Voltaire

-- A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost

-- The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment. - T. H. White

-- It's kind of fun to do the impossible. - Walt Disney

-- What orators lack in depth they make up for in length. - Charles de Secondat

-- Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. - Plato

-- 640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND...

10. Cats' facial expressions

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds

7. Fat clothes

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time

5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell

4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow

3. Eyelash curlers

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made

1. OTHER WOMEN

Congratulations

How Do Stock Markets Work?

It was autumn, and the Red Indians on the remote reservation asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.

Being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It's definitely going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," The man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Red Indians are collecting wood likecrazy."

This is how stock markets work!!

12 ways to get rid of Telemarketers!!

1. If they want to loan you money,
tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and
you could sure use some money.


Ask, "How long can I keep it?
Do I have to ever pay it back,
or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"

**************

2. If you get one of those pushy people who won't shut up,
just listen to their sales pitch.


When they try to close the sale,
tell them that you'll need to go get your credit card.
Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry,
shopping or whatever.


See how long that commission based scum waits
for you to get your credit card.

**************

3. If they start out with, "How are you today?"
say, "Why do you want to know?"
Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked,
because no one seems to care these days and
I have all these problems,
my sciatica is acting up,
my eyelashes are sore,
my dog just died...."


When they try to get back to the sales process,
just continue on with telling about your problems.

**************

4. If the person says he's Joe Doe from the ABC Company,
ask him to spell his name,
then ask him to spell the company name,
then ask where it is located.


Continue asking personal questions or
questions about the company for as long as necessary

**************

5. This one works better if you are male:
Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Julie and I'm with Dodger & Peck Services....
You: "Hang on a second."
(few seconds pause)
"Okay, (in a really husky voice) "what are you wearing?"

**************

6. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise,
"Julie!! Is this really you?
I can't believe it! Julie, how have you BEEN?"
Hopefully, this will give Julie a few brief moments of terror
as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.

**************

7. Say, "No," over and over.
Be sure to vary the sound of each no,
and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak.
This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.

**************

8. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan,
reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster,
"I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"

**************

9. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can?
Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood -
chicken blood too?"

**************

10. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's fascinating."


Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit card number to someone who's a complete stranger.

**************

11. Tell them you work for the same company they work for.
Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Widget & Associates."
You: "Widget & Associates!! Hey I work for them too.
Where are you calling from?"


Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas, Texas."
You: "Great, they have a group there too?
How's business/the weather?
Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see ya."

**************

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and
if they will give you their phone number you will call them back.


If they say they are not allowed to give out their number,
then ask them for their home number and
tell them you will call them at home
(this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of Telemarketers).


If the person says,
"Well, I don't really want to get a call at home,"
say, "Yeah! Now you know how I feel." (smiling, of course...)

**************

If Aamir Khan Did Not Make Taare Zameen Par: A Movie Un-Review

If Aamir Khan Did Not Make Taare Zameen Par: A Movie Un-Review

If you want to know how good Taare is, just go to your nearest theater and watch the people coming out after the show. The cacophony that surrounds a crowd exiting a theater will be missing. Some would be walking in slow motion. Some would look petrified. At least thats what happened in the theater I went to. Not a single soul was talking after the movie, probably because what everyone saw on screen was not fiction, but a semi-biography of his/her own life. In fact, the normally rowdiest gang in a theatre (ie my friends and I) that is uber vocal at the end of a film left the theater in pin drop silence. The first thing we said to each other -Aamir Bhai has done it again.
Indeed, Aamir Khan had done it again. I have a gut feeling that Taare would change people like no other movie has previously done.
I know only Aamir can make a film like Taare. But let us assume he did not make it (dream on!). What would the film have been like?

If Karan Johar made Taare
Obvious starcast:
Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh duh duh!!).
Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even if he could not act for nuts).
Rani Mukerjee as the kids mom (assuming Kajol is unavailable).
Abhishek Bachchan as the kids dad.
Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal (who cares if the role is ultra minute, he can afford it).
It would be shot in New York to appeal to the NRI audience.
The story line would obviously be different. SRK would fall for the dyslexic kids mom. The last scene would have the mom running to the teacher rather than the kid. And again, like in so many other movies, SRK would get someone elses girl.
It would have one dance number.
The film would be titled Kuch Taare Zameen Par.

If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made Taare
Obvious starcast:
Salman as the teacher.
Rani as the mother.
Of course the whole film would be shot on elaborate sets. The school would be nothing short of Harvard university.
An orchestra would play every time anyone cried.
Slow motion, different camera angles for every scene..
The school uniforms would match the classroom walls even though that does not make a difference.
The film would cost 60 crores.

If Farah Khan made Taare
Obvious starcast:
SRK as the teacher (yawn).
In the original Taare, Aamir makes an entry at the interval point. In Farahs version, SRK would be on screen on for 2.30 hrs out of the 2.45 hrs and would be introduced in the first scene itself.
The story would be changed to make sure the above happened. The focus of the film would be a teacher who helps a kid fight dyslexia.
To make it a complete entertainer, there would be a romantic angle, comedy, and action thrown in. Oh idea!! Nikumbhs character likes another teacher and the kiddo helps him.. throw in some comedy moments there and you have romance and comedy settled. For action.. hmm.. lemme see.. oh yah, the kid gets kidnapped and the teacher fights the baddies to save him. Wow!! Im quite an imaginative writer. I can see how Farah can write a film from scratch in two weeks straight.
The film posters would have a big SRK with the tiny image of the kid in the background..

If Rakesh Roshan made Taare
Obvious starcast:
Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.
Since Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science fiction these days, this film would have that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would have alienositis or something, a condition induced due to him witnessing an alien abduction.
Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he would be a physics teacher, and instead of asking kids to be creative, he would ask them to challenge the science we know.
In the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to open their minds and make whatever they want outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making a boat, would end up making a working spaceship prototype.
Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by making a full fledged version of the kids prototype, traveling to the alien planet, and asking them to give the kid his powers back.
The film would have music by Rajesh Roshan ripped off from some world music.
The films name would again start with a K.. probably Kuch Aliens Taaron se Zameen par.
The director would make sure Hrithik gets to show all his abilities. This would mean a scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles, and a dance competition in the end, instead of an arts competition.

If Priyadarshan made Taare:
Obvious starcast:
Akshay Kumar as the teacher.
Paresh Rawal as the kids dad.
It would be a brainless comedy. The kids dyslexia would be made fun of. Half the times the parents will be running after the kid from one room to the other and that, in the directors opinion, would be funny.
The film will be full of sex jokes. So for example, when Akshay would come to the parents telling them that their son has dyslexia, the ignorant father would say something inappropriate like is umar mein? par kaise, woh to hamesha boys school mein padha hai!. And yes, the director would think it is funny.
In the climax of the film all the characters in the film would run around in the amphitheater for no reason, spilling colors on each other. Thats where the film will end, without any logical conclusion.
And of course, Paresh Rawal would emote like an epileptic himself making us question the boys mental abilities anyway.

I know there are a lot of other directors, but I choose these guys because I feel they are the most gutless or overrated directors we have today. They keep doing the same shit again and again and more often than not depend on the stars to carry a shitty film forward. They have no courage to try something non-nonsense, something that can use the medium of cinema for a little more than just entertainment, in spite of being the most sought after Taare Zameen Pars in the country.
The reason I am making this comparison at all is to show how Aamir (and Amol Gupte) has made a pure film, without giving into the temptation of masala or what would the audience like to see philosophy; for giving chance to fantastic yet unknown actors like Vipin Sharma and Tisca Chopra for riding against the tide; for not trying to hog the limelight in the film by happily playing second fiddle to the boy (even Aamir Khans name comes after Darsheel Sarfi, the boy, in the credits); for giving the audience something different once again as an entertainer; and for truly caring about the society and using the medium to bring a change.
I remember earlier this year SRK made a statement: films are for entertainment; messages are for post offices. Well Aamir Khan has proved that cinema is probably the best medium for giving a message and I can say that looking at the face of every person in the cinema hall. Not only that, he has proved (yet again!) that a message can be entertaining.

Two choices of Life

Life boils down to 2 choices:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Should you get a dog...?

....or have children?

Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.

2. Its best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.

3. You can do it with no hands, but its best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.

4. Its easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.

5. You can do it by yourself, but its usually not as much fun.

6. Its usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.

7. Its best to have a soft place to land.

8. You dont need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.

9. If youre with someone who is having trouble keeping up, its usually best to slow down and wait for them.

10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.

11. Once you learn, you never forget how.

12. If you fall off get right back on.

13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.

14. Remember to signal before you change direction.

15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.

16. Sometimes its nice to have a cushy seat.

17. Once youre over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.

18. That's why some of them are called Mountin Bikes.

If Women Ruled The World

PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.

Men would get reputations for sleeping around.

Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.

A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing.

Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.

Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity.

"Ms." Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.

Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.

Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit..

Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks"

Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women made.

Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas.

Men would HAVE to get Playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures.

Men would learn phrases like: "I'm sorry", "I love you", "You're beautiful", "Of course you don't look fat in that outfit."

Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments.

Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking.

Men would pay as much attention to their woman as to their car.

All toilet seats would be nailed down.

Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.

TV news segments on sports would never run longer than 1 minute.

All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator

During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19 year olds.

Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.

After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot.

For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year olds for six weeks.

Rules on Indian Roads

Traveling on Indian Roads is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound, spectacle and experience. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable -- and, when you are on the roads, extremely dangerous.

Most Indian road users observe a version of the Highway Code based on a Sanskrit text. These 11 rules of the Indian road are published for the first time in English:

* ARTICLE I:

The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.
* ARTICLE II:

Indian traffic, like Indian society, is structured on a strict caste system. The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In descending order, give way to:
o Cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses, official cars, camels, light trucks, buffalo, jeeps, ox-carts, private cars, motorcycles, scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles (goods-carrying), handcarts, bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs, pedestrians.
* ARTICLE III:

All wheeled vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim: to slow is to falter, to brake is to fail, to stop is defeat. This is the Indian drivers' mantra.
* ARTICLE IV:

Use of horn (also known as the sonic fender or aural amulet):
o Cars (IV,1,a-c):
1. Short blasts (urgent) indicate supremacy, IE in clearing dogs, rickshaws and pedestrians from path.
2. Long blasts (desperate) denote supplication, IE to oncoming truck: "I am going too fast to stop, so unless you slow down we shall both die". In extreme cases this may be accompanied by flashing of headlights (frantic).
3. Single blast (casual) means: "I have seen someone out of India's870 million whom I recognize", "There is a bird in the road (which at this speed could go through my windscreen)" or "I have not blown my horn for several minutes."
o Trucks and buses (IV,2,a):

All horn signals have the same meaning, viz: "I have an all-up weight of approximately 12.5 tons and have no intention of stopping, even if I could." This signal may be emphasized by the use of headlamps.

Article IV remains subject to the provision of Order of Precedence in Article II above.
* ARTICLE V:

All maneuvers, use of horn and evasive action shall be left until the last possible moment.
* ARTICLE VI:

In the absence of seat belts (which there is), car occupants shall wear garlands of marigolds. These should be kept fastened at all times.
* ARTICLE VII:
1. Rights of way:

Traffic entering a road from the left has priority. So has traffic from the right, and also traffic in the middle.
2. Lane discipline (VII,1):

All Indian traffic at all times and irrespective of direction of travel shall occupy the center of the road.
* ARTICLE VIII:

Roundabouts: India has no roundabouts. Apparent traffic islands in the middle of crossroads have no traffic management function. Any other impression should be ignored.
* ARTICLE IX:

Overtaking is mandatory. Every moving vehicle is required to overtake every other moving vehicle, irrespective of whether it has just overtaken you.

Overtaking should only be undertaken in suitable conditions, such as in the face of oncoming traffic, on blind bends, at junctions and in the middle of villages/city centers. No more than two inches should be allowed between your vehicle and the one you are passing -- and one inch in the case of bicycles or pedestrians.
* ARTICLE X:

Nirvana may be obtained through the head-on crash.
* ARTICLE XI:

Reversing: no longer applicable since no vehicle in India has reverse gear.

CUTE HUMOR

** An Ant saw strawberry juice & shouted: "Aaaah at last I visited the red sea!!!!"

**Two cockroaches were admitted in ICU,
The first Cockroach asked: "Raid???"
The second Cockroach replied: "No, Shoe!!!"

**An NRI sent a blank sms to his wife, why?
He didn't want to talk to her!!!

**A man hit his brand new car in to the wall, why?
He wanted to test whether the airbags are working!!!

**Policeman caught a drunk man & asked: "Why your eyes are red?", The drunk man replied: "Actually i drunk tomato sauce while i was sleeping!!!"

**Two mad people were fighting on motorcycle, why?
They were arguing about 'who will sit near the window'!!!

**A drunk man opened his fridge & saw the jelly shaking.
So he said: "don't worry dear, i will not eat u now!!!"

** A drunk man gave his mobile to his friend & said: "please send a sms to my girlfriend, because my hand-writing is very bad!!!

** One American came first time to India, & asked what does "minimum" means in Hindi??? A man replied: "kam se kam". So the next day during a conversation with an Indian, the American man wanted to say “We have the maximum cold”, so he said "we have go se go cold in America"