Perfume

Two women get on an elevator. The first woman reeks of perfume and the second says, "What's that perfume?"

The first responds, "Chanel #5, $99.00 a bottle." The elevator stops on the fourth floor and another woman boards reeking of perfume. The second woman sniffs the air and the third woman says, "Paradise $149.00 a bottle."

The elevator stops on the sixth floor and the second woman moves to the front to exit, lifts her skirt and farts. She says as she exits, "Baked Beans - 49 cents a can."

Gas Problems

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back to his office. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!"
The doctor says, "Good, Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

Bathtime fun

A man worked hard all day digging the garden and felt very stiff and sore.

His wife fluttered about him, pleased with the amount of work he had done and anxious to get him to do some more.

"Have a nice soak in the bath and I'll bring you a drink," she suggested smiling.

"Good idea," says the husband looking forward to being waited on.

He's in the bath when she comes in with a nice glass of Scotch which he accepts happily.

"If there's anything else you'd like just call," says the wife as she leaves the bathroom.

When she got halfway along the landing the husband relaxes completely and lets off an enormous long fart in the bath.

A few minutes later, despite it being a very warm Summer's evening, the wife comes in with a fluffy bed warmer

"What the heck is that for?" asks the husband snappily.

"Oh Darling," says the wife, flustered, "I thought I heard you say, "Whataboutahottawaterbottle."