Shocked Bush

Donald Rumsfeld gave the president his daily briefing. He concluded by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the president exclaimed. "That's terrible!"

His staff was stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sat, his head in his hands.

Finally, the president looked up and asked, "Just how many is a brazillion?"

TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA

1) Qus. : What are you doing?
Ans.: Business.
Tax: PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!

2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans.: Selling the Goods.
Tax: PAY SALES TAX!!

3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans.: From other State/Abroad
Tax: PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!

4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans.: Profit.
Tax: PAY INCOME TAX!

5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans.: Factory.
Tax: PAY EXCISE DUTY!

6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

7) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

8 ) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY TURNOVER TAX!

9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans.: Yes, for Salary.
Tax: PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

10) Qus. : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans.: Hotel
Tax: PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

11) Qus. : Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

12) Qus. : Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

13) Qus. : How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans.: Gift on birthday.
Tax: PAY GIFT TAX!

14) Qus. : Do you have any Wealth?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY WEALTH TAX!

15) Qus. : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans.: Cinema or Resort.
Tax: PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

16) Qus. : Have you purchased House?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

17) Qus. : How you Travel?
Ans.: Bus
Tax: PAY SURCHARGE!

18) Qus. : Any Additional Tax?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!

19) Qus. : Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY INTEREST & PENALTY

Rabri Devi went to heaven

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front
Of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie
Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said Rabri,

"Who's clock is that?"

That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he
Never told a lie.

"And whose clock is that?"

That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands
Have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his
Entire life."

Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?"
Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a
Ceiling fan".

SURVEYING THE FORMER PRESIDENT...

An official Gallup survey polled over 1000 women with the question: Would you sleep with Former US President Bill Clinton?

1% said, "No"
2% said, "Yes"
97% said, "Never Again"

THE STRATEGIST AT THE PEARLY GATES

A Democratic strategist assumes room temperature and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. The strategist is taken inside Heaven by St. Peter and given a guided tour. He's led into one huge room that is full of millions of clocks, and he notices a clock with his name on it that has stopped.

St. Peter explains that everyone has a clock that counts down the seconds of their life, and when someone dies, their clock stops. All this fascinates the strategist but when he examines all of the other clocks, he notices that some of the clocks' second hands are moving faster than others.

St. Peter explains that every time someone tells a lie, which is a sin, they lose part of their life, so their clock's second hand ends up moving faster.

The Democratic strategist looks around but doesn't see Geoge Bush's clock, so he asks St. Peter where it is.

"Oh," answers St. Peter, "that's being used as a ceiling fan."

Blame it on Clinton

One fine morning, every thing was going smooth as usual.



Suddenly, the motors screeched with a sudden brake, when every one in the
city just could not believe what had happened to America. It was in New York
where the scene was one of total chaos. People cried out
in shame.

Many were blaming the former president Mr. Bill Clinton.


Hillary stood staring at her darling husband.



Clinton came to the crowd and said in his words, "I'm Innocent, It's really
ridiculous to say I'm the only man behind all these cases. Slowly, I feel
I'm losing confidence in myself".

Are you curious to know what had happened???

Politics

What Is Politics?

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?
Father: Sure, son. What's the question?
Son: What is politics?
Father: Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me “Tony Blair.” Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her “Gordon Brown.” We take care of your needs, so we'll call you “the People.” We'll call the maid “the Working Class,” and your baby brother we can call “the Future.” Do you understand, son?
Son: I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it.

That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.
Son: Dad, now I think I understand what politics is.
Father: Good, son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?
Son: Well, dad, while Tony Blair is screwing the Working Class, Gordon Brown is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit.



Hillary Clinton's OB-GYN

Hillary Clinton went for her annual exam. After the exam, the OB-GYN told her that she was pregnant, and in great shape. Hillary couldn't believe the news and stormed out of the office. She rushed to her limo and picked up the phone to call the Oval Office.

"You got me pregnant! How could you be so careless?" There is a silence on the other end. Finally, she hears Bill's voice.

"Who is this?''



Pre-Nuptial Agreements

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in New York.
The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.

"I'll only marry you under three conditions."

"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.

"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28-inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."

Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"

The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.

"Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Hamptons along with a 40-acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France."

The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"

The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to.

"Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10-inch penis."

A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"