Who wants to be a Tech Support

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press
Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking
where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that
her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The
cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a
man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files
from his old (5-1/4") diskettes. After troubleshooting for
magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that
the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into
the typewriter to type the labels.

4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of
her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from
the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his
troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer
asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down,
getting up and going across the room to close the door.

6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get
his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of
troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of
paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the
"send" key.

7. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that
his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his
tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then
removing all the keys and washing them individually.

8. A Dell technician received a call from a customer
who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and
an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command"
and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

9. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles
printing documents.He told the technician that the computer had said
it "couldn't find printer." The user had even tried turning the
computer screen to face the printer - but his computer still couldn't
"see" the printer.

10.An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support
couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring
the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened
when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and
pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal"
turned out to be the mouse!

11.Another customer called Compaq tech support to say
her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she
unpacked the unit,plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting
for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed
the power switch,she asked "What power switch?"

12.True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am
within my
warranty period. How do I go about getting
that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my
computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped,
it's because I am.Did you receive this as part of a
promotion, at a trade show?How did you get this cup holder? Does it
have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know
anything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller,
because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The
caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup
holder, and snapped it off the drive.

13.Another IBM customer had troubles installing
software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was
OK. It said to put in the second disk, and I had some problems
with the disk, but I squeezed it in. When it said to put in the third
disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that
"Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.