Blonde Riddle

Q. What do you call 15 blonde's in a circle?
A. A dope ring.

Q. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A1. The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2. None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

Q. If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A. The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

Q. What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
A. Her IQ goes up!

Q. What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A. A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Q. What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A. Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.

Q. What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
A. If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

Q. What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A. Change.

Q. How does a blonde moon walk?
A. She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

Q. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A. Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

Q. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A. Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q. Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A. Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q. What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A. "Nice tits!"

Q. How does a blonde high-5?
A. She smacks herself in the forehead.

Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q. Why do blondes have legs?
A1. So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2. To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3. So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

Q. How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A. Flattered.

Q. Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A. They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

Q. How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A. A 69 interrupted by a period.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?
A. You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A. She kept having affairs with men!

Q. What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A. Spot.

Q. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A. A Space Invader.

Q. What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A. The back of her head.

Q. Why do blondes drive VW's?
A. Because they can't spell PORSCHE!

Q. How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A. Tell them a joke on Friday night!

Q. Why did God create blondes?
A. Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q. Why did God create brunettes?
A. Neither could the blondes.

Q. Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1. So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2. So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.

Q. Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1. So brunettes can remember them.
A2. Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
A3. So men can understand them.

Q. Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?
A. She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
A1. A golden retriever.
A2. A labrador.
A3. An indicator of a really bad hangover.

Q. Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A. Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Q. Why do blondes have periods?
A. They deserve them.

Q. What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A. Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

Q. How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A. By the ears.

Q. How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A. You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q. Why did the blonde try to steal a police car?
A. She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.

Q. What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A. Last year's hide and seek champ.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
A. One's a bunch a cunning runts.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal?
A. One's a busy ditch.

Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
A. A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

Q. How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A. Tell her she's pregnant.

Q2. What will she ask you?
A2. "Is it mine?"

Q. Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A. So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A. They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q. What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A. She can't say "No".

Q. What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
A. Retardo.

Q. What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A. A visitor.

Q. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A. They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A. Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q. Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A. She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

Q. What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A. The Air Pump!

Q. How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A. Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Have you ever wondered??

- Can you cry under water?

- How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

- If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

- Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

- Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

- Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

- What did cured ham actually have?

- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

- If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

- Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON television?

- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

PUZZLERS

[1] IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH A PROSTITUTE AGAINST HER WILL, IS IT CONSIDERED RAPE OR SHOPLIFTING?

[2] CAN YOU CRY UNDER WATER?

[3] HOW IMPORTANT DOES A PERSON HAVE TO BE BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED ASSASSINATED INSTEAD OF JUST MURDERED?

[4] WHY DO YOU HAVE TO "PUT YOUR TWO CENTS IN"... BUT IT'S ONLY A "PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS"? WHERE'S THAT EXTRA PENNY GOING TO?

[5] ONCE YOU'RE IN HEAVEN, DO YOU GET STUCK WEARING THE CLOTHES YOU WERE BURIED IN FOR ETERNITY?

[6] WHY DOES A ROUND PIZZA COME IN A SQUARE BOX?

[7] WHAT DISEASE DID CURED HAM ACTUALLY HAVE?

[8] HOW IS IT THAT WE PUT MAN ON THE MOON BEFORE WE FIGURED OUT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO PUT WHEELS ON LUGGAGE?

[9] WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE SAY THEY "SLEPT LIKE A BABY" WHEN BABIES WAKE UP LIKE EVERY TWO HOURS?

[10] IF A DEAF PERSON HAS TO GO TO COURT, IS IT STILL CALLED A HEARING?

[11] WHY ARE YOU IN A MOVIE, BUT YOU'RE ON TV?

[12] WHY DO PEOPLE PAY TO GO UP TALL BUILDINGS AND THEN PUT MONEY IN BINOCULARS TO LOOK AT THINGS ON THE GROUND?

[13] WHY DO DOCTORS LEAVE THE ROOM WHILE YOU CHANGE? THEY'RE GOING TO SEE YOU NAKED ANYWAY.

[14] WHY IS "BRA" SINGULAR AND "PANTIES" PLURAL?

[15] WHY DO TOASTERS ALWAYS HAVE A SETTING THAT BURNS THE TOAST TO A HORRIBLE CRISP, WHICH NO DECENT HUMAN BEING WOULD EAT?

[16] IF JIMMY CRACKS CORN AND NO ONE CARES, WHY IS THERE A STUPID SONG ABOUT HIM?

[17] CAN A HEARSE CARRYING A CORPSE DRIVE IN THE CARPOOL LANE ?

[18] IF THE PROFESSOR ON GILLIGAN'S ISLAND CAN MAKE A RADIO OUT OF A COCONUT, WHY CAN'T HE FIX A HOLE IN A BOAT?

[19] WHY DOES GOOFY STAND ERECT WHILE PLUTO REMAINS ON ALL FOURS? THEY'RE BOTH DOGS!

[20] IF WILE E. COYOTE HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY ALL THAT ACME CRAP, WHY DIDN'T HE JUST BUY DINNER?

[21] IF CORN OIL IS MADE FROM CORN, AND VEGETABLE OIL IS MADE FROM VEGETABLES, WHAT IS BABY OIL MADE FROM?

[22] IF ELECTRICITY COMES FROM ELECTRONS, DOES MORALITY COME FROM MORONS?

[23] DO THE ALPHABET SONG AND TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR HAVE THE SAME TUNE?

[24] WHY DID YOU JUST TRY SINGING THE TWO SONGS ABOVE?

[25] WHY DO THEY CALL IT AN ASTEROID WHEN IT'S OUTSIDE THE HEMISPHERE, BUT CALL IT A HEMORRHOID WHEN IT'S IN YOUR BUTT?

[26] DID YOU EVER NOTICE THAT WHEN YOU BLOW IN A DOG'S FACE, HE GETS MAD AT YOU, BUT WHEN YOU TAKE HIM FOR A CAR RIDE, HE STICKS HIS HEAD OUT THE WINDOW?

2008 OLYMPIC GAMES IN BEIJING, CHINA

WIN 2 TICKETS ALL EXPENSES PAID INCLUDING AIR FARES TO THE 2008 OLYMPIC GAMES IN BEIJING, CHINA .

To participate is very easy, just view the attached photo, correctly answer the following questions and send your answers to: International Olympic Committee, Post Bag 10 , Lausanne, Switzerland 30291 .

1. Which student seems to appear tired / sleepy?
2. Which ones are male twins?
3. Which ones are the female twins?
4. How many women are in the group?
5. Which one is the teacher?

Good Luck!
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Date, Month n Colour...Ur Final Statement!!

RULES-->Please select month, date and colour that is relevant to you or the colour you like and complete the sentence.

Pick the month you were born in:
January------i shot
February-----i ate
March--------i killed
April------- i ran away with
May----------i fell in love with
June---------i murdered
July---------i gave my shoes to
August-------i sang a duvet with
September----i had crush on
October------i danced with
November-----i kissed
December-----i hit

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1------------homeless guy
2------------a fat lady
3------------a mad cow
4------------a mad monkey
5------------a mexican
6------------a gangster
7------------a monkey
8------------an ipod
9------------my best friend's boyfriend
10-----------a goat
11-----------my dog
12-----------my cat
13-----------the computer
14-----------my science teacher
15-----------my neighbor
16-----------myself
17-----------a giraffe
18-----------my best friend’s girl friend
19-----------a gorilla
20-----------a stuffed animal
21-----------a permenant marker
22-----------a policeman
23-----------a cannibal
24-----------a baseball bat
25-----------my pshyciatrist
26-----------old lady
27-----------hockey stick
28-----------a football player
29-----------a post man
30-----------a paperclip
31-----------my cell phone

Pick the color of shirt/top/salwar you are wearing (or the colour you like most):
White---------Because I was high.
Black---------Because I was drunk.
Pink----------Because I m a half dead.
Red---------- Because I was in mental hospital.
Blue----------Because i cant control myself.
Green---------Because I hate myself.
Purple--------Because I am shy.
Gray----------Because that’s the way I am.
Yellow--------Because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars.
Orange--------Because I enjoy it.
Other---------Because I was hungry.

Funny Riddle

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the
bus,
but he didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came
under the bus and died on the spot.

Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn
took
him to the court.

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital
punishment.

He was taken to the electrocution chamber.

There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana
peel
at one corner of the room.

The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was
given
to him! .

But to everyone's amazement, he survived.

The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried
to
board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus.

Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came
under
the bus and died on the spot. Again angry passengers took him to the
police
station, who in turn took him to the court.

The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital
punishment.

The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where
there
was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel
at one
corner of the room.

He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived.

The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus.

This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences,
stopped
the bus.

Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his
injuries.

The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to
the
same judge.

Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record
the
judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber
where
there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana
peel
at one corner of the room.

He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!



The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died
instantly the third time??



Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is
perfectly logical.

If necessary read the puzzle once again.








Still you couldn't,! Then see below.........



think hard







tired....



wanna know the answer????








Answer :

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor,
therefore
electricity didn't pass through him.

But during the third time, he was a good conductor, electricity passed
through him freely and he died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!