1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
11: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
14: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
15: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
16: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
17: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
18: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
19: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
20: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
21: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
22: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
23: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
24: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
We hope this clears up any confusion.
The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
International Rules Of Manhood
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Female Software Programming !
struct female_professional s
{double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_ problems;float mind;
void knowledge;
char non_co-operative;}
struct married_females
{double weight;
short tempered;
long gossip;
float hopes;
void word;
char unstable;}
struct engaged_females
{double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_ work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding;
char edgy;}
struct newly_married_ females
{double dinner_invitation;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_break;
void bank_balance;
char hen_pecked;}
struct husband_wife_ professionals
{double income;
short tempered;
long time_no_see_ each_other;
void love_life;
char money_making;}
struct beautiful_city_ girl
{double boyfriends;
short affairs;
long stories;
void greymatter;
char flirt;}
struct old_lady
{double chin;
short memory;
long sighs ;
void attention_from_ men;
char chatterbox;}
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Wine v/s Water
As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. oli) - bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.
