Shipwrecked

There was this computer engineer, on a cruise ship in the Caribbean for the first time. He was a bit of a geek, taking his Dell laptop and even some spare Dell memory with him. It was wonderful, the experience of his life. He was being waited on hand and foot. But, it did not last. A Hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down almost instantly.

The man found himself, he knew not how, swept up on the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it. So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea mightily for a ship to come to his rescue.

One day, as he was lying on the beach stroking his beard and looking for a ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. Could it be true, was it a ship? No, from around the corner of the island came this row-boat. In it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, or at least seen in 4 months. She was tall, tanned, and her blond hair flowing in the sea breeze gave her an almost ethereal quality. She spotted him also as he was waving and yelling and screaming to get her attention.

She rowed her boat towards him. In disbelief, he asked, “Where did you come from? How did you get here”?

She said, “I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed on this island when my cruise ship sank”

“Amazing”, he said, “I didn’t know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? Where did you get the row-boat? You must have been really lucky to have a row-boat wash-up with you?”

“It is only me”, she said, “and the row-boat didn’t wash up, nothing else did.”

“Well then”, said the man, “how did you get the row-boat?”

“I made the row-boat out of raw material that I found on the island”, replied the woman. “The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from Palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree”

“But, but”, asked the man, “what about tools and hardware, how did you do that?”

“Oh, no problem”, replied the woman, “on the south side of the island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that If I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But, enough of that”, she continued. “Where do you live?” At last the man was forced to confess that he had been sleeping on the beach.

“Well, let’s row over to my place”, she said. So they both got into the row-boat and left for her side of island. The woman easily rowed them around to a wharf that led to the approach to her place. She tied up the row-boat with a beautifully woven hemp rope. They walked up a stone walk and around a Palm tree, there stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

“It’s not much”, she said, “but I call it home. Sit down please, would you like to have a drink?”

“No”, said the man, “one more coconut juice and I will puke.”

“It won’t be coconut juice”, the woman replied, “I have a still, how about a Pina Colada?” Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After a while, when they had exchanged their stories, the woman asked, “Tell me, have you always had a beard?”

“No”, the man replied, “I was clean shaven all of my life, and even on the cruise ship”

“Well if you would like to shave, there is a man’s razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.” So, the man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle, two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. The man shaved, showered and went back down stairs…

“You look great”, said the woman, “I think I will go up and slip into something more comfortable.” So she did. And, the man continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short time, the woman returned - this time wearing fig leafs strategically positioned and smelling faintly of gardenia.

“Tell me”, she asked, “we have both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Have you been lonely, is there anything that you really miss? Something that all men and women need? Something that it would be really nice to have right now?”

“Yes there is”, the man replied, as he moved closer to the woman while fixing a winsome gaze upon her, “Tell me … Do you happen to have an Internet connection?”

Geeky Joke

A project manager, network engineer and software engineer were in a car heading down a hill when the brakes failed. The driver managed to get it stopped by using the gears and a convenient dirt track.

All four jumped out and after peering under the car the network engineer said, “I see what the problem is and with this Cat5e patch cable I think I can fix it good enough to get us to the next town”. The project manager quickly interrupted, “No, no, no. Before we do anything we need to decide on a vision for our future, figure out a plan and assign individual deliverables”. At which point the software engineer said, “You know what, I think we should push the car back up to the top of the hill and see if it happens again”.

Software Engineers-Online chat

A Guy WAS chatting with a female - Online chat.

Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's


Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?

Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero: wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat

Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.

Hero: OK(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)

Manager: Hey, I need some help from you

Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me

Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you,if I Give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place] (Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to
Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)

Female: Hey, am back

Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work

Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!

Hero: Yep, u rite!!

Female: Hey, can u do me a favor

Hero: *smiles* sure, why not.

Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's
real Urgent for me to work this out

Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Urmail in an hour from now.ok?

Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE.
NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!

Forgiving or punishing

Forgiving or punishing
the terrorists
is left to God.
But,
fixing their appointment
with God
is our responsibility
- Indian Army


Updated statement for this in S/w industry...
---------------------------------------------------------

Forgiving or punishing
the Developer
is left to Manager.
But,
fixing their appointment
with Manager
is our responsibility

-Tester



We all knew that..... but this one is damn good..


Forgiving or punishing
the Manager
is left to Client.
But,
fixing their appointment
with Client
is our responsibility

- Developer

Software Engineers-Online chat

A Guy WAS chatting with a female - Online chat.

Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's


Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?

Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero: wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat

Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.

Hero: OK(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)

Manager: Hey, I need some help from you

Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me

Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you,if I Give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place] (Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to
Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)

Female: Hey, am back

Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work

Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!

Hero: Yep, u rite!!

Female: Hey, can u do me a favor

Hero: *smiles* sure, why not.

Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's
real Urgent for me to work this out

Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Urmail in an hour from now.ok?

Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE.
NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!

Three Man

Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."

The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.

"I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.

Chak de India!!

There was a good old barber in Hyderabad. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:

I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a Community Service.

Florist is happy and leaves the shop.


The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.


A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there ......

Scroll down for answer...................

...


...


...



...



...



...



...



...



...



...



...



...



...




A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... with Printouts of the Forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut!

Car operating system

Bill's company made software to run a car.

Bill was taking a test ride of the car. Suddenly a truck came from
opposite side.

Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.

A pop-up window appeared asking, "Are you sure you really want to
stop?"

Before Bill could enter "Yes", there was a crash and the car caught
fire.

In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door..


He started shouting "F1! F1!" but there was no computer professional
present there to understand his screams.

Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.

A message appeared on the screen, "An illegal function is performed.


All the window-panes of the car will be closed." Poor Bill died.

Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him, "You have
never ever performed any good deeds in your life. You always stole
the code from others. We are going to send you to hell."

Bill pleaded, "I am ready to go to hell but do provide me a
computer, please."

Messengers of death smiled inwardly and permitted him a computer,
but with no Alt, Ctrl and Delete keys on the keyboard

Bill Gates at the pearly gates!..

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by God...

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."

Bill replied, " Well, what's the difference between the two?"

God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, it if will help your decision."

"Fine, but where should I go first?"

"I'll leave that up to you."

"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of BEAUTIFUL women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.

"This is great!" he told God. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!"

"Fine," said God, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.

Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told God.

"Fine," retorted God, "as you desire."

So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons.

"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.

Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beaches, the beautiful women playing in the water????!"

"Oh, that?...That was a DEMO," replied God.

A tech get drafted!

One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp.

At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple rounds of ammo. He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away.

The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target.

The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then once more at the target. He placed his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.

The end of his finger was blown off -- whereupon he yelled toward the target area...

"It's leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at your end!"

Love.....Programatically....Its Coooool...!!!!

#include
#include
#include

#define MAAL beautiful_girl

main()
{
goto college;
scanf("100%",&girl);

if (girl == MAAL)
line++;
While (!reply)
{
printf ("I Love U");
scanf ( "100%", &reply );
}
if (reply == "GAALI")
main( ); /* go back and repeat the
process */

else if (reply == "SANDAL")
exit(1);

else if(reply == "I Love U")
{
lover = MAAL;
love =
(heart*)malloc(sizeof(lover));
}

goto restaurant;

restaurant:
{
food++;
smile++;
pay->money = lover->money;
return(college);
}

if(time==2.30)
goto cinema;

cinema:
{
watch++;
touch++ ;
if(intermission)
{
coke++;
smoke++;
}
}

if(time ==6.00)
goto park;

park:
{

for(time=6.30;time<=8.30;time+=0.001)
kiss = kiss+1;
}

free(lover);
return(home);

if(time ==9.30)
goto pub;

pub:
{
friends++;
party++;
booze++;
smoke++;

if(pub.close())
{
pay->bill;
come->out;
}
}

if (highly->intoxicated)
goto friendsroom;
else
{
smoke++;
polo++;
goto home;
}

friendsroom:
{
goto sleep;
}

home:
{
if(mom.shouts())
{
reason=(combinedstudy
||projectwork || friendsbday);
say->reason;
}
else if(dad.shouts())
{
shut->yourmouth;
}

call->lover;
if(phone->voice==(lover_dad->voice
|| lover_mom->voice))
{
hang++;
}

else if(phone->voice==lover->voice)
{


for(time=12:30;time<=1.30;time+=0.001)
{
say->ILuvU;
scanf("100%",&reply); /* "I
Love U" already stored in reply */
}
}

goto sleep;
}

sleep:
{
*(dream)=love;
}

}

SOFTWARE HUSBAND

Husband : ( Returning late form work ) "Good evening Dear, I'm now
logged in."

Wife : Have you brought the ring ?

Husband : Bad command or filename.

Wife : But I told you in the morn...

Husband : Erroneous syntax.

Wife : What about my new blouse ?

Husband : Variable not found ...

Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.

Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied ...

Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being
funny ?

Husband : Too many parameters. Abort!...

Wife : It was a grave mistake that I married an idiot like you.

Husband : Data type mismatch.

Wife : You are a useless nut.

Husband : Default Parameter.

Wife : What about your Salary ?

Husband : Access denied. File in use...

Wife : Who was in the car this morning ?

Husband : System unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot

Just read on if suddenly I.T. industry starts producing movies?

Hang To Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!! ,
Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai ,
Aao Chat Kare ,
Programmer No.1 ,
Mera Naam Developer,
Java Wale Job Le Jayenge ,
Hum Apke Memory Mein Rehte Hein ,
Do Processor, Baarah Terminal ,
Tera Code Chal Gaya ,
Har Din Jo Mail Karega ,
Network Ke Us Paar ,
Debugging Koi Khel Nahi ,
Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehta Hai ,
Raju Ban Gaya MCSE ..! ,
Client Ek Numbari, Programmer Dus Numbari,
Login Karo Sajana ,
Naukar PC Ka ,
1942 -- A Bug Story ,
Kaho Na Virus Hai ,
Crash Se Crash Tak ,
Haan Maine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai ,
Shaheed Hacker Singh ,
Password De Ke Dekho ,
Terminal Apna , Login Parayi ,
Mr. Network Lal ,
Terminal Sajaake Rakhna ,
Hackers Ka Raja, Debuggers Ki Rani.

Decide, who you want to be!!

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces
height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and
shouts, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I Would meet
him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.' The man below says,
'Yes.
You are in a hot air balloon, Hovering approximately 30 feet above this
field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58
and 60 degrees West Longitude.'

'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.
'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'
'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is Technically
correct, but I have no idea what to make of your Information and the
fact is I am still lost.'

The man below says, 'You must be a project manager'.
'I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'
'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where You are
going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to Keep, and
you expect me to solve your problem.

Software Engineer

Conversation between a software engineer and his wife


Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - i will go to my dad�s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer


A Microsoft technican


One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp.

At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets.

He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again.

He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"


Bill Gates & GM vs Microsoft

At a computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, GM issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you have would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.


A perfect Software Engineer

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a software engineer are travelling in an old Fiat 500 when all of the sudden the car backfires and comes to a halt.

The mechanical engineer says "Ah! It's probably a problem with the valves, or the piston!".

The electrical engineer says "Nonsense! It's most probably a problem with the spark plugs or the battery!".

The software engineer says "How about we all get out of the car, and get back in again, It might work...".


Software development cycle

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.

4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.

5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.

6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.

7. Users find 137 new bugs.

8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.

9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.

10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.

11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.

12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.

13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free



wah ..!!kya bat



# Local variable
Mein pal do pal ka shayar hoon, pal do pal meri kahani hai pal do pal meri hasti hai..

# Global variable
Main har ik pal ka shayar hoon har ik pal meri kahani hai har ik pal meri hasti hai

# Null pointers
Mera jeevan kora kagaz kora hi reh gaya.

# Dangling pointers
Maut bhi aati nahi jaan bhi jati nahin.

# Goto
Ajeeb dastan hai yeh Kahan shuru kahan khatam Ye manzilen hain kaun si Na woh samajh sake na hum

# Two Recursive functions calling each other
Mujhe kuchh kehna hein mujhe bhi kuchh kehna hein Pehle tum, pehle tum.

# The debugger
Jab koi baat bigad jaye Jab koi mushkil pad jaye Tum dena saath mera hamnawaz.

# From VC++ to VB
Yeh haseen vaadiyan Yeh khula asmaan Aa gaye hum kahan.

# Untrackable bug
Aye ajnabi, tu bhi kabhi, awaaz de kahin se.

# Unexpected bug (esp during presentation to client)
Ye kya hua, Kaise hua, Kab hua, Kyon hua.

# And then to the client
Jab hua, Tab hua, O chhodo, ye na socho.

# Load Balancing
Saathi haath badhana ek akela thak jayega mil kar bojh uthana

# Modem ( modem talk on a busy connection) suno - kaho,kaha - suna,kuch huwa kya? abhee to nahin..

# Windows getting open sourced
Parde mein rahne do parda na uthao parda jo uth gaya to bhed khul jayeha allah meri tauba, allah meri tauba

AND SOME FILMS
# ESC : NO DO GYARA
# F1 : GUIDE
# UNDO : AA AB LAUT CHALE
# SYSTEM WHOSE OS IS DOS : BUDHA MIL GAYA
# SOFTWARE & HARDWARE : EK DUJE KE LIYE
# ALT+CNTR+DEL : AAKHARI RASTA
# HARD DISK & FLOPPY : GHARWALI BAHERWALI
# RAM : KORA KAGAZ
# C++ & C : BADEMIYA CHOTEMIYA