Short but Funny

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Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

2.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

3.

What did God say when he created Adam?
I can do better than this.

4.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

5.

Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.

6.

Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

7.

What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.

8.

A man rubbed a lamp and a genie came out. The man asked to be stronger than any other man. He was given the strength to crush bolders. He asked for the worlds fastest sports car and a ferrari apperared in front of him. He then asked to be smarter than any other every man on the earth. He was turned into a woman. She then said thank you.

9.

Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?
Walking the dog is relaxing.

10.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

11.

What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you? made the chain too long.

12.

A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says "what seems to be the problem officer?" the cop looks bluntly at him and says "are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?" the man let out a sigh "thank fuck for that i thought i had gone deaf!"

13.

Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?

14.

Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.

15.

Why do women have short feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove.

16.

Why dont women have a penis?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

17.

Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.

18.

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.


19.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.

20.

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes." The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here." Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

21.

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why.
(Adam Ferrara)

22.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

23.

If your dog is barking at the back door and Danielle Cardella is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

24.

Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet

25.

How is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the crap out of you.

26.

Woman inspires us to great things...and prevents us from achieving them. (Dumas)

27.

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
You hit her.

28.

Wanna hear a funny joke?
Women's rights.


29.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes already been told twice.

30.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark!

31.

Women are cute and cuddly - every man should own one.

32.

How are women and high school phone policies similar?
Because they can be seen but not heard

33.

Why do women live longer than men?
Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking.


34.

How do you get a woman dizzy?
Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner.

35.

A man runs over his wife. Whose fault is it?
The man, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

Short jokes

1.I believe in making the world safe for our children. But not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

2.A blonde woman goes to the doctor and complains that her whole body is aching. She touches her knee and says: "Ouch! That hurt". She then touches her elbow which evokes yet another painful response. She then touches her ear and complains that it is sensitive too. The doctor then examines her and says: "Well, Madam, I am sure that will be the case - your finger is broken."

3.Frank Sinatra, "Old Blue Eyes," has died... Frank will now be known as "Old Closed Eyes."

4.While in Birmingham, England, President Clinton saluted Frank Sinatra, saying the singer and entertainer "really did do it his way''...

5.An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor."Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
6.WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!


7.Two friends meet each other on the street. "hello! Where are you coming from?" asked Bill. "Oh, don't ask me! I'm coming from the cemetery. I just burried my mother-in-law" replied Sid. "I'm so sorry!" said Bill, "But why is your face schratched all over?". "It wasn't so easy!" said Sid, "She put on a hell of a fight!"

8.When you ask a housewife, accountant, and lawyer what 2+2 is, what do they give you? The housewife says "Four." The accountant says "It's either three or four, let me run it through my spreadsheet again." The lawyer closes the shutters, turns down the lights, and whispers "What do you want it to be?"

9.Why was Phillip's girlfreind dissapointed? Because she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a television.

10.A man went to a whore house. he had no arms and no legs. When the madam answered the door she asked what he wanted. He said that he wanted a woman. She replyed you have no arms and no legs what can you do? With that he replyed I rang the door bell didn't I?

Funny Short Jokes

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor!

CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables.



An English Professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and asked the students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote, "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote, "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

the question left is who is rite??




Santa: WHat is another difference between a mosquito and a fly?

Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannt mosquito.



When your life is in darkness pray to God ask him to free u from
Darkness and if after you pray and you are still in darkness, please
Pay your ELECTRICITY BILL

Some best ones

santa got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.

He gave Rs.10/ and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

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santa joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.

Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.

santa : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

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On a romantic day santa's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.

santa : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

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Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?

Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

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santa and banta were fixing a bomb in a car.

santa : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.

Banta : Dont worry, I have one more.

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santa was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks santa why are you removing a wheel from your auto.

santa : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

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santa : What is the name of your car ?

Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".

santa : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

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Boss : Where were you born ?

santa : Punjab .

Boss : which part ?

santa : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.


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How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?

Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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Short Jokes (Hindi)

sardar: aaj main ne pani ko ullu bana diya.
freind: pani ko ullu? woh kaise?
sardar: oye! subha main ne pani garam kiya
aur thande pani se naha liya

Father: qutub minar kahan hai?
Son: pata nahi.
Father: kabhi ghar se bhi bahar nikla karo.
Son: jamil uncle koun hain?
Father pata nahi.
Son: kabhi ghar pe bhi ruka karo.

ants were taking bath and elephant jumped into pool.
ants go out of water. one ant climbed on to the back
of elephant, all ants cried " dubo dubo k mar sale ko".

sardar dukhi tha
kisi ne pocha kyon tension main ho?
sardar: yaar ek dost ko plastic surgry k liye 3 lakh diye tahe
ab main us ko pehchan nahi pa raha hoon.

man to hotel manager: jaldi chalo, meri wife khirki
se kodh kar jaan dena chati hai.
manager: so .. sir what can i do?
Main: abey khirki nahi khul rahi.

Father beta ye lo 20 rupees mummy se mut kahna
k main nokrani k sath soya tha.
beta: dad aap bohat kanjos ho mummy pore 50 deti hain
jab woh driver k sath soti hain..

doctor to lady: kiya aap dilevery k waqat bache k baap ko
apne pass dekhna chati hain?
Lady: nahi un ko mere husband pasand nahi karte.

woh koun sa waqt hota hai jab bhai bhai ka nahi
beta baap ka nahi, maa beti ki nahi,
beta maa ka nahi hota?
answer: jab shadi main awaz ati hai khana khul gaya.

2007 ka faqir: baji bhoka hoon Allah k waste khana de do.
baji: abhi khananahi bana, baad main aana.
Faqir: mera number le lo,
jab khana ban jaye to miscall kar dena.


Evolution of man:
without shaadi spiderman
shaadi k din superman
shaadi k baad Gentleman
aur
B.V khobsurat hoto sari umar watchman.