Funniest Joke

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.

Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.


Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.

Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.


Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"


Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"

santa singh's driving license

Santa Singh was driving along the highway when a police officer pulled him over for speeding. The officer is Banta Singh.

Officer: May I see your licence?

Santa Singh: License? What does it look like?

Officer: Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.

Santa looks around the car for a rectangular piece of object and finds a compact mirror used by his wife in the glove compartnment.

Santa Singh: Here - this is all I have!

Banta Singh opens it up and says: Oye yaar! Why didn't you tell me! I can't fine you - you're also a police officer!

Santa Banta

Banta Singh bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

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Banta Singh : I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Banta Singh : No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

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Banta Singh : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Banta Singh : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

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Banta Singh : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Banta Singh : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

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Banta Singh : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Banta Singh : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again..

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Santa Singh complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Santa Singh : 'I was watching TV news...'

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Santa Singh comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.'

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How do you recognize a sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.

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Once Banta Singh was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on the other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.

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Banta singh was in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'

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Santa Singh : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Santa Singh - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

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Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Banta Singh : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'

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Santa Singh told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Santa ingh : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'

Santa Banta Cartoons

Intelligent Santa

Santa in a bar

his cell phone rings >>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>

Santa picks up and says !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

think what he said
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how do you know I am here

Santa's closet!

Santa came home earlier than usual, when his wife, Jeeto's lover was still in the apartment. She hid her lover in a closet, and served dinner. As they ate, something rustled in the closet.
"What's that?" Santa husband asked.
"Nothing, darling. Just jackets."
After a while, they again heard some noise in the closet.
"What the hell is that?"
"I'm telling you, just jackets."
A few minutes later, the noise sounded once more.
"I'll check it," Santa said. "You'll regret it if it's not jackets."
Santa yanked the closet's door open. Inside, he saw a man who held a pistol. Santa quietly closed the door, and said, "Indeed, jackets, darling."

Again Santa Banta

Santa and Banta were hiking in the woods when Santa is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.

"I'll go into town for a doctor," Banta says.

He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby.

"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little 'x' where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."

Banta runs back to his friend, who is in agony.

"What did the doctor say?" Santa asks.

"He says you're gonna die."


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Santa came home earlier than usual, when his wife, Jeeto's lover was still in the apartment. She hid her lover in a closet, and served dinner. As they ate, something rustled in the closet.
"What's that?" Santa husband asked.
"Nothing, darling. Just jackets."
After a while, they again heard some noise in the closet.
"What the hell is that?"
"I'm telling you, just jackets."
A few minutes later, the noise sounded once more.
"I'll check it," Santa said. "You'll regret it if it's not jackets."
Santa yanked the closet's door open. Inside, he saw a man who held a pistol. Santa quietly closed the door, and said, "Indeed, jackets, darling."


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Santa was in grade 5. Teacher came to class in the morning and she wanted to ask a brainstorming question from the students before start the proper class.

Teacher: I saw, on my way to school, five birds sitting on a branch of a tree. Suddenly a gunman came and shot one down. Now, how many birds are left on the tree??

All students were not sure about the correct answer and stay quiet, but Santa. Santa was really happy and raised his hand and was impatient to give the answer.

Teacher: OK, good. It is only Santa who knows the answer!! Very good. And tell me the answer.

Santa: No one is left!!

Teacher: How come!! Only one bird down. Why no one?

Santa: OK, but others flew away with the "bang" sound of the gun. Then, no one left on the tree.

Teacher: Your answer is wrong! But, I like the way you think!!

Then happy Santa was asking the teacher, whether he could ask a question from her.

Teacher was happy and said yes.

Santa: When I was on my way to school, I saw three women having Ice cream at the restaurant. One is Licking the ice cream. One is Sucking the ice cream. And the other is Biting. My question is, which one is married???

Teacher: Well, hmmmmmm, I guess that the one who was Sucking the ice creame is married.

Then the Santa was replying,

Santa: Well, but you are wrong! The one who is married is the one who was wearing the wedding ring in her finger! But, to be frank, I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK!!!!

Cycle Designed by Santa Banta

Santa's Secretary Pregnant

Santa in deep thoughts sitting calm and quietly in the corner.

Banta: what is wrong with you Santa

Santa: please don't ask

Banta: I am your child hood friend say to me.

Santa: my seven year old son made my secretary pregnant!!

Banta: That's not possible yaar

Santa: No he did

Banta: Tell me how is that possible

Santa: He punctured my condoms!!

Santa In a Hotel

Sardar Santa Singh goes to a Udipi hotel to have something to eat. He orders for Masala Dosa. The waiter promptly gets him the dish but is surprised to see that Santa eats only the masala leaving the dosa behind. Santa then orders for 1 plate Samosa. Again this time the waiter notices that Santa eats only the filling and not the shell. Waiter is very curious. Santa next orders for Batata Vada. This time around also Santa eats only the filling and leaves the shell behind.
The waiter is losing his patience and walking upto Santa asks him, "Sardarji why are you eating the inside stuff don't you like the rest of it". Santa Singh says, "I am not feeling so well so the doctor told me not to it outside stuff."

Santa Banta all the way . . .

Santa: I have swallowed a key. Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back! Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
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A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
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Lady : My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?
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Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why? Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
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Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you change your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.
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Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously... Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
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Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing? Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
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Sardar wanted to make a STD. call to Punjab, He wanted to save money so what did he do? Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call.
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Oye paaji, apni pregnant wife ko itne dard mein hospital ki jagah pizza hut kyun leja raha hai........
Sardarji: Kyun key pizza hut mein "Delivery Free" hai.
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A Sardar enters shop shouts, Where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab .
Sardar : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.
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One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!
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Teacher: A for? Sardar: Apple Teacher: Jor se bolo?
Sardar: Jay mata di.
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American says: " US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."
Sardarji says: " India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"
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Sardar orders pizza.
Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?
Sardar: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge
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Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
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Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
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Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain and studying. When a person asked what he was doing? He replied, Oye! Higher studies yaar.
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2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.
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A sardar learning english introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar,
this is my sardarni,
he is my kid, & she is my kidney.
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Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him.*

Detective Sardar

A policeman was interrogating 3 SARDARS who were training to become
detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first SARDAR a
picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first SARDAR answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he
only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is
his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for
5 seconds at the second SARDAR and asks him,
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second SARDAR smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of
course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his
side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third
SARDAR and in a very testy voice asks,
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds,
"Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The SARDAR looks at the picture intently for a moment and says,
"The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know
himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I
check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in
his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
scroll down for the answer





"That's easy," the SARDAR replied.

"He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

Sardar in hotel ...

A Sardar checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room. Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, "You've given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?"

The desk clerk says, "Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?"

The Sardar says, " Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that goes into the closet. And there's a door I haven't tried, but it has a 'do not disturb' sign on it."

MTV Bakra..

Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.


Jasmeet: 'What are you searching for?'


Santa: 'Hidden cameras!'


Jasmeet: 'And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?'


Santa: 'That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing.


Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching MTV! How does he know that?'


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American Accent

An Indian lady (NRI) returned from the US to India and is window shopping in Delhi.

Suddenly she realizes she is late for an appointment. She is not wearing a watch so she sees a small shop on the roadside and asks in a very American accent of the sardar owner "What's the time?"


The sardar is a very patriotic man and hates desis / Indians with a foreign accent. He replies back in the same accent, "Bra-panties."


Confused the lady asks again, "No! No! What's the time?"

The sardar again answers back, in the same accent, "Bra-panties."


Seeing the confusion between the two, another sardar comes to the rescue of the lady and says, "O papaji, tusi samajh nahin paaye"" Kudi twade kol puuch rahii haigayee!!"


The angry sardar shouts back at him, "Tow main bhi to oonoo time hee bata rahan hai– barah panthis (12.35) !!!"

Santa Attacks

santa had always been worried that why he has one brother while his sister has two?????


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santa selling parachute, tells the customer "jump from plane n press button & you can land safely."

CUSTOMER: if it doesn't open????

SARDAR : Money Return.......

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After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.

Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.

When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.

Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.

Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."


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Teacher to Santa " Where were U born?

Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.

Teacher : Spell it?

Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.


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Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"

Banta : How do you know??

Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have come again..


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Santa complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.

Police : How the theif did not take TV???

Santa : I was watching TV na....



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Thought for the Day!!!

If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis?

Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM

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When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?

Answer : On their Wedding !!



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Whats the height of Intelligence?

Answer : A 99 year old Santa going for HUTCH New lifetime scheme ..

Sardar and Ducks

A sardar went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks.

He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an honorary game warden who didn’t like sardars.

The game warden ordered the sardar to show his hunting license, and the sardar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin’ license, boy?”


The sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said “This ain’t no Quebec duck. This duck’s from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?”

The sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license.

The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Manitoba duck. This here duck’s from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia huntin’ license?”

Again the sardar reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license.

The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the sardar “Just where the hell are you from?”

The sardar smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, “You tell me, you’re the expert.”.

The Gr8 Sardar

Once there was a sword competition & players from many countries took part in that.


From India Mr. Santa Singh took part.


First player came from Germany.

He swings the sword & cuts a very thin wire into two parallel parts.

Then comes a Japanese & he cuts the even more thin wire into two parts.

Then comes our very own Santa Singh.

He took the sword in one hand & flew a mosquito in the air.


He swings the sword over the mosquito, but mosquito flies away. Then the judge asked "Kya Santa Singh Ji, machhar to ud gya".

Santa replied, "Ud to gya, per ab kabhi baap nahi banega"

Some sardarji jokes

Q. Why can't Sardar dial 911?
A. They can not find the eleven on the phone
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Q. What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
A. He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
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Q. What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper?
A. As he has already one with him, he takes a photocopy of the white paper !!!
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Q. Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
A. Because below 18 was not allowed.
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Q. How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
A. Stick a tyre pressure gauge in his ear.
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Q. What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
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Q. What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
A. Run like crazy….he's got a hand grenade in his
mouth.
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Q. How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
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Q. What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A. Trying to hold on to a thought.
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Q. Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
A. So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
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Q. Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
A. They always forget the recipe.
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Q. How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
A. He threw it off a cliff.
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Q. What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A. A wind tunnel.
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Q. What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
A. The back of his head.
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Q. Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
A. They think their picture is being taken.
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Q. Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First.
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Q. How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.
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Q. How do you get Sardar on the roof?
A. Tell him the drinks are on the house.
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Q. "Oh, look at the dead bird.
A. " Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?

Soft Drinks

Banta had always ordered a beverage by simply saying, "A Coke, please."

However, recently waitresses had been responding, "I'm sorry, we don't have Coke. We have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Thums Up, Dew, Sprite, Fanta... "

Tired of listening to the long list of soft drinks, Banta decided to make life easier. So one day he simply asked the snack bar clerk at a movie theater for a "Dark, Carbonated beverage."

The young man behind the counter looked up and said, "Sir, would you like a cylindrical plastic sucking device with that?"