Lady Bush

No Great Loss

President Bush is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," Bush says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside...that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Bush. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.

"What?" asks Mr. Bush, "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying George and Laura Bush was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."

"Wonderful!" Bush beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"

I'm Better Than You

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's President of the United States!"

x white horses and President Bush

Air Force One arrives at Heathrow and President Bush strides
to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen. They are driven in a 1934
Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a magnificent
17th century carriage hitched to six white horses.

They continue on towards Buckingham Palace , waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.

Suddenly, the right rear horse lets fly with the most
horrendous earth-shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire . The fart shakes
the coach.

The smell is atrocious! Both passengers in the carriage must use
perfume-dipped handkerchiefs over their nose, but the two dignitaries of
state do their best to ignore the incident.

The Queen turns to President Bush saying, 'Mr. President,please
accept my regrets. I am sure you understand there are some things that
even a Queen cannot control.'

Bush, with his usual diplomatic aplomb, replied, 'Your
Majesty, do not give the matter another thought.
Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses.'