Incredeble India

Kerala....God's Own World....

Childhood Memory

Future of India - The software revolution!

Ground's keepers

Taj Mahal - It's new look

MS Trains

Indian McDonalds

The Big Sale - Free mouse with every purchase

Accent 3000

Driving Styles!!

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window.

- Sydney

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn

- Japan

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator...

- Boston

Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror

- New York

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat

- Italy

One hand on horn,
one hand greeting,
one ear on cell phone,
one ear listening to loud music,
foot on accelerator,
eyes on female pedestrians,
conversation with someone in the car

- Welcome to India!!

An Americanized look at India

Here are a few things that could happen:

1. Mohini Devi, a housewife from Bihar sues PM for 1 Crore Rupees for sexually molesting her. She alleges that during his election campaign in Punjab he made overtures and advances of indecent nature - he kept saying "Hame karna hai!" Reports say she is open to an out of the court settlement.
2. J H Patel says India should reduce the number of visas issued to 'aliens'. Demands cut in the number of American engineers being admitted into the country says the whites ('Caucasian-Indians') are 'stealing' away the local jobs.
3. Sports: Bombay 'Bombers' beat Madras 'Sambars' 3 - 0 in a 5 game cricket tournament. Sachin Tendulkar says he wont be playing for Bombers from next season, as the Bihar 'Lalloos' have offered him 50 lakh more to play for them.
4. Tonight on Zee TV: Kabaddi world series live! over 4 countries from around the world participating in his fast-becoming popular sport. Last time - runner ups Germany looking to beat current champions Bangladesh. (as usual, India is nowhere in the picture!)
5. Fringe: Woman sues fast food restaurant chain TFC (Tandoori Fried Chicken) because the 'Chai' served to her was so hot that she burnt her lips.
6. Techno: Shiv Nadar says his company's 'Khidkiyan 98' operating system could become the de facto standard, beating Microsoft's Windows operating system, since it is a copy of a more advanced Macintosh OS.
7. India deports 250 'American - Indian' illegal aliens after they are found working in a saree manufacturing sweat shop in Dharavi.
8. Hurricane "Bawandar" expected to lash the Andhra coast around 1300 hrs IDT. Watch minute by minute progress live on Doordarshan.
9. Amidst much controversy the Desi Gay Activists open a gay bar in calcutta called "Bar-Bar"
10. San Francisco: Protesters demanded the shut down of fast food chain 'Udupi' which was becoming immensely popular with the younger generation. "Its not just the food" says Martha Smith, a housewife, "its the lifestyle that our children adopt with it - wearing lungis, listening to Karnatic music, lighting lamps and firecrackers on Halloween!".

Readymade answers for Questions asked to Indians everyday

To help the new wave of outgoing students from India, here are the proper answers to awkward questions asked abroad everyday:

* Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
o A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....
* Q. You're from India? I have read so much about the country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation?
o A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in our house. But later, we started participating in elephant-ride sharing schemes with our neighbors, to save the air. You see elephants have an "emissions" problem.....
* Q. Does India have cars?
o A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage ride-sharing schemes.
* Q. Does India have TV?
o A. No. We only have cable.
* Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?
o A. Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India.
* Q. How come you speak English so well?
o A. You see when the British were ruling India, they employed Indians as servants. It took too long for the Indians to learn English. So the British isolated an "English-language" gene and infused their servants' babies with it and since then all babies born are born speaking English.
* Q. Are you a Hindi?
o A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.
* Q. Do you speak Hindu?
o A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.
* Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?
o A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me go to school.
* Q. India is very hot, isn't it?
o A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.
* Q. Are there any business companies in India?
o A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian principles of self-sufficiency. We all make our own clothes and grow our own food. That is why you see all these thin skinny Indians -- it is is a lot of hard work.
* Q. Indians cannot beef, huh?
o A. Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet. So eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the population of the country, the government is trying to encourage everyone to eat human meat.
* Q. India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly?
o A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But it is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing. That is why things are so inefficient there.
* Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they do that?
o A. We don't have shoes. So we burn the bottom of our feet to make it hard so that we can walk.
* Q. Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?
o A. I prefer it to coming naked.

Few Funny Facts about Indians

There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.
* You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.
* You have a 'Singer Brother' sewing machine at home.
* Your mother has a minor disagreement with her (or your dad's) sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years.
* You call an older person you've never met before "uncle".
* You hide everything from your parents.
* Your mother does everything for you if you are male.
* You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.
* Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
* Everyone is a family friend.
* Everyone always called you for help on homework.
* You read law, medicine or engineering at university.
* You were thick (i.e. stupid) so you studied accounting or business instead.
* You know no one who has studied music.
* You went to a university as far away from home as possible.
* You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished.
* Your best friend got married at the age of 16.
* You only make telephone calls after 6pm (discounts) or after 9 p.m.
* You like the meat well done.
* You eat onions with everything.
* You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.
* You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
* You say you hate Indian films(/songs) but secretly watch(/hear) them with your parents.
* You teach Westerners swearwords in your language.
* You order Indian food in your own language to impress the people you're with but the waiters don't understand you.
* You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.
* You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on".
* You secure your baggage with a rope.
* You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.
* You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. overweight.
* You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of...the royal family.
* You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.
* Your Dad drives a GM.
* You're rich so he drives a Mercedes.

(For females)

* You're parents would freak out if you wore a crop top baring your midriff...but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable
* Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm
* You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go to your American friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid
* When your American friends cringe at the thought of their parents in bed, you wonder how odd it would be to see your parents get within one foot of...each other
* Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names
* You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku,(lots more to add here)
* Your parents call all your friends "Beta" whether they are Indian or not Your parent are panicking if you aren't married and you turn 25
* Either you really like Indians of the opposite sex or you can't stand them
* Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds
* A horoscope must decide your wedding date
* Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day
* You are sick and tired of answering questions about "the dot"
* Your friends could not explain your religion to someone if they tried
* You could not explain your religion to someone if you tried
* In the smallest...of subcompact cars, you still can't see over the wheel without a phone ...book.
* WITH the phone book, you can't reach the pedals.
* You have cousins you have never met, whose names you don't know, but who insist they're related to you, even though they bear NO resemblance to...anyone YOU know.
* Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try and demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting.
* Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids.
* You notice that whenever you go to another Indian's house, your parents always talk about work and business.
* The second you pull out of someone's driveway, your parents start talking...about them.
* Every few months your parents say when they're moving back to India
* No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.

Rules on Indian Roads

Traveling on Indian Roads is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound, spectacle and experience. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable -- and, when you are on the roads, extremely dangerous.

Most Indian road users observe a version of the Highway Code based on a Sanskrit text. These 11 rules of the Indian road are published for the first time in English:

* ARTICLE I:

The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.
* ARTICLE II:

Indian traffic, like Indian society, is structured on a strict caste system. The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In descending order, give way to:
o Cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses, official cars, camels, light trucks, buffalo, jeeps, ox-carts, private cars, motorcycles, scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles (goods-carrying), handcarts, bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs, pedestrians.
* ARTICLE III:

All wheeled vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim: to slow is to falter, to brake is to fail, to stop is defeat. This is the Indian drivers' mantra.
* ARTICLE IV:

Use of horn (also known as the sonic fender or aural amulet):
o Cars (IV,1,a-c):
1. Short blasts (urgent) indicate supremacy, IE in clearing dogs, rickshaws and pedestrians from path.
2. Long blasts (desperate) denote supplication, IE to oncoming truck: "I am going too fast to stop, so unless you slow down we shall both die". In extreme cases this may be accompanied by flashing of headlights (frantic).
3. Single blast (casual) means: "I have seen someone out of India's870 million whom I recognize", "There is a bird in the road (which at this speed could go through my windscreen)" or "I have not blown my horn for several minutes."
o Trucks and buses (IV,2,a):

All horn signals have the same meaning, viz: "I have an all-up weight of approximately 12.5 tons and have no intention of stopping, even if I could." This signal may be emphasized by the use of headlamps.

Article IV remains subject to the provision of Order of Precedence in Article II above.
* ARTICLE V:

All maneuvers, use of horn and evasive action shall be left until the last possible moment.
* ARTICLE VI:

In the absence of seat belts (which there is), car occupants shall wear garlands of marigolds. These should be kept fastened at all times.
* ARTICLE VII:
1. Rights of way:

Traffic entering a road from the left has priority. So has traffic from the right, and also traffic in the middle.
2. Lane discipline (VII,1):

All Indian traffic at all times and irrespective of direction of travel shall occupy the center of the road.
* ARTICLE VIII:

Roundabouts: India has no roundabouts. Apparent traffic islands in the middle of crossroads have no traffic management function. Any other impression should be ignored.
* ARTICLE IX:

Overtaking is mandatory. Every moving vehicle is required to overtake every other moving vehicle, irrespective of whether it has just overtaken you.

Overtaking should only be undertaken in suitable conditions, such as in the face of oncoming traffic, on blind bends, at junctions and in the middle of villages/city centers. No more than two inches should be allowed between your vehicle and the one you are passing -- and one inch in the case of bicycles or pedestrians.
* ARTICLE X:

Nirvana may be obtained through the head-on crash.
* ARTICLE XI:

Reversing: no longer applicable since no vehicle in India has reverse gear.

Incredeble India