What is an appraiser?

An appraiser is one who compiles and analyzes voluminous data of problematical accuracy from sources of dubious veracity and derives therefrom a numerical quantification of unquestionable necessity, analogous to a nebulous and euphemistic concept representational of value commensurate with ambient configurations of the open market and promulgates thereby a precise written declamation which delineates his observation, deliberations and conclusions all done while he feigns absolute ignorance of the avaricious machinations of Buyers, Sellers, Brokers and Lenders, compensated only by that penurious stipend known as the professional fee.

Top 10 Reason to Become An Appraiser

10. Dazzle your friends with your knowledge of external obsolescence.
9. The wonderful world of rats, bats, and spiders.
8. Be a part of the profession blamed for the collapse of the savings and loan industry.
7. See places in people’s houses that usually require a search warrant to access (even if they’re Outer Banks rentals).
6. Arouse the suspicion of an entire neighborhood when inspecting comparable sales.
5. Chance to really irritate annoying real estate salespeople.
4. Walk around holding a clipboard just like “Skip” down at the Jiffy Lube.
3. Spend hours writing volumes of supporting documentation to justify the market value of a property you already decided on when you pulled into the driveway.
2. See that some people really do hang those black velveteen pictures of Elvis on their living room walls and who forks out for business satellite internet.
1. Be one of a handful of people who know that USPAP is not a medical term.

This is how business is done ! ! !

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything.. But your attitude should be +ve...

Howzzat . . .

It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people from the department had been called. The VP was looking much tensed.


The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -"Hey, what is this meeting all about? I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting. People around smiled at each other. Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge. If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP. The VP turned to the manager and told "Hey - take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete it man.


To this the sweet manager replied "Sir! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything." Everyone looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. We looked at the manager and thought "What an Awesome Reply man!"

GUTS . . .

On a ship, the Project managers of three different companies belonging to 3 different nations were traveling with their Trainee guys.
They started an argument on whose Trainee engineer had more guts. The American PM called for one of his men and told him to jump off and take a round swimming around the moving ship.
The Trainee did as he was commanded. The American PM boasted of by saying, "See the guts!"
Now the German PM called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds around the moving ship.
The Trainee did as he was told. When he came back from the water the German PM said, "See the guts!"
Now the Indian PM called out for his most courageous man and asked him to take five similar rounds.
The Trainee promptly replied, " Why the hell should I ???"
The PM proudly said, "See the guts!"

Marketing Concepts

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: 'I am very rich. Marry me!' - That's Direct Marketing

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: 'He's very rich. Marry him.' - That's Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: 'Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me.' - That's Telemarketing

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:
By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?' - That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and
says: You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?' - That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me!' She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
'I am very rich. Marry me!' And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before
you say anything, another person come and tell her: 'I'm rich. Will you
marry me?' and she goes with him - That's competition eating into your
market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before
you say: 'I'm rich, Marry me!' your wife arrives. - That's restriction
for entering new markets

Management Styles

1. MANAGING BY WALKING FASTER THAN THE EMPLOYEES These kind of managers you will always see in the corridor, ten steps away. "We'll have to talk" you can hear them say, just as they have disappeared around the corner.

2. MANAGING BY STARING OUT OF THE WINDOW These managers you usually meet with their backside faced to you with their hands in their pockets. When you talk to them, their thoughts keep staring out of the windows.

3. MANAGING BY POST-ITS� Some managers forget everything. They want to impress you with their 'busy'ness by continuously writing on Post-Its� while you are talking.

4. MANAGING BY DELEGATION TO THE SECRETARY These managers just delegate everything to the secretary.

5. MANAGING BY KNOWING NOTHING These managers don't really know anything at all. They let YOU give answers. Meanwhile they fill the time with irrelevant anecdotes.

6. MANAGING BY CONCEPTUAL THINKING These people try to explain the present from a theoretical view of the far future. The idea that this never will work, completely satisfies them. They will always have something to talk about.

7. MANAGING BY HIDING INFORMATION Information hiders are aware of the market value of strictly secret kept information. You must be very thankful to get any information at all.

8. MANAGING BY DOING EXACTLY WHAT THE BOSS SAYS These managers prevent their bosses from creative thinking. Else they have more work to do.

9. MANAGING BY WALKING ONE FOOT BEHIND THE BOSS In hierarchical organizations you can watch those groups walking in the corridor. The more equal managers are directly followed by the lesser equal managers, and so on.

10. MANAGING BY SMILING AND WEARING NICE SUITS If you drink beer with them, lunch with them, smile to them and also wear nice suits, nothing can stop your career anymore.

11. MANAGING BY STUDYING Despite their continual attendances of all kind of studies and congresses, they still belong to category 5. The longer they learn, the further they get from the practice.

12. MANAGING BY CREATING VAGUE OVERHEAD SHEETS Do you know them? Those sheets with some big arrows, boxes or circles? These sheets provide the ultimate proof of their overall brilliance.

13. MANAGING BY OPEN DOOR AND EMPTY ROOM This is a major improvement of the older 'OPEN DOOR' management style. Now you can really walk in and out anytime you want. Nobody ever knows where these managers are.

14. MANAGING BY SPEAKING WITH OTHER MANAGERS This kind of managing is very popular. It will give them within a few hours the same information as an employee can tell them in 15 minutes.

15. MANAGING BY HAVING A NON SUPPORTING INFRASTRUCTURE In an organization with a hopeless infrastructure, managers are really necessary. These managers will naturally prevent the organization from having a better infrastructure.

16. BUA MANAGEMENT ( BY USING ABBREVIATIONS ) This management style is ATRASACWOC ( Adopted To Reach A Shorter And Clearer Way Of Communication ).

17. MANAGING BY USING BUZZ WORDS These managers like to bluff your head off with hip, nearly undefined, terms.

18. MANAGING BY REORGANIZATION If they think there is nothing more to organize, they reorganize.

19. MANAGING BY BELIEVING These managers must be spiritual educated, because they have no clues at all.

20. MANAGING BY FORGETTING PROMISES If you remind them to one of their promises, the priority of that promise is too low to remember.

MBA v/s Engineer ...

An MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip,
set up their tent, and fall asleep.
Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend.
"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute...

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Economically there are mass scales of stars in the sky.
So "Economy of Scale " would be the ideal strategy in that market.

Strategically such market would be a volume driven market

Financially it would be a low margin market.

From HR point of view we would require huge manpower

What does it tell you?"

The Engineer is silent for a moment, then speaks.

"Practically"
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"Someone has stolen our TENT"