A Politician's True Character

An important politician was seen moving around with a film actress for a couple of months, with whom he finally decided to plunge into matrimony.

But being cautious, he hired a private detective for the job of looking into her past and finding out if she had any previous affairs with any men.

After a few days, the politician at last received his detective's report, which went like this:

"Sir, this lady has a spotless reputation. Her past is clear, her family and friends all come from a very respectable background. No one has anything against her character. But yes, according to my sources, for the last couple of months she's been frequently seen flirting with a politician with a dubious reputation."

x white horses and President Bush

Air Force One arrives at Heathrow and President Bush strides
to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen. They are driven in a 1934
Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a magnificent
17th century carriage hitched to six white horses.

They continue on towards Buckingham Palace , waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.

Suddenly, the right rear horse lets fly with the most
horrendous earth-shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire . The fart shakes
the coach.

The smell is atrocious! Both passengers in the carriage must use
perfume-dipped handkerchiefs over their nose, but the two dignitaries of
state do their best to ignore the incident.

The Queen turns to President Bush saying, 'Mr. President,please
accept my regrets. I am sure you understand there are some things that
even a Queen cannot control.'

Bush, with his usual diplomatic aplomb, replied, 'Your
Majesty, do not give the matter another thought.
Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses.'

Politician's Believe

A politician was running for re-election and was talking at a campaign stop
to his constituents.

"My opponent has called me a liar. Rest assured, I have never lied to you.
The only problem I have is that the facts don't always match up with what I believe."

Horse country

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him.

A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Clinton country!"

"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"

Olympic 2008

President Bush is rehearsing his speech for the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games...

He begins his remarks with 'Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo!'

Immediately his speech writer rushes over and whispers in the President's ear:

'Mr. President, those are the Olympic rings.Your speech is underneath........

Look at the Laloo's point

British Diplomat paid a courtesy visit to Lalloojee.


During a Garden party at the Palace, he thought of entertaining Lalloojee with the following magic of numbers.

He said, "Your excellency,
Look at the value of the alphabet:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Now, look at this Sir, if we calculate together it will be:

H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only

L O B B Y I N G
12 15 2 2 25 9 14 7 = 86 % Only

L U C K
12 21 3 11 = 47 % Only

Sir, you should look at the final one, which is most important.

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %

Sir, do you find it useful?

This magic can work on your people to improve themselves, increase productivity, and make your Kingdom prosperous.

Sir, I can arrange to send our experts to coach your people. We can do it in less than a year"

Lalloojee thought for a while and said,

"I have better formula. See this......

C O R R U P T I O N
3 15 18 21 16 9 15 14 = 111 %

Do you want me to come and teach your people? I can do it in less than one week.

Friendly Devil

Welcome to Heaven," St. Peter says to the newly arrived politician. "Before you settle in, you must spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress.

They greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at expense of the people. They play golf and dine on lobster and caviar. The devil is also there, a very friendly guy who laughs and tells jokes.

It is time to go. Everyone waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up and the door reopens on Heaven, where St. Peter is waiting for him. Now it's time to visit Heaven.

24 hours pass with the politician joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The politician reflects for a minute, then answers, "Well, Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."

Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes back down to hell. The doors of the elevator open, and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The devil comes over to him and grins menacingly.

"I don't understand," stammers the politician. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my Friends look miserable."

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!"

Laloo, Jayalalitha And Karunanidhi ...

Laloo,Jayalalitha,and karunanidhi are on a long flight in an Air Force plane. Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs.100 note out and make someone down below happy."

Jayalalitha not wanting to be outdone says,

"If that was my 100 Rupee note,I would split it into two Rs.50 notes throw them down and make two people down below happy."

Of course karunanidhi doesn't want these two candidates to out do him so he pipes in,

" I would instead take one hundred Rs.1 notes and throw them out to
make 100 people just a little happier."

At this point the pilot who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore comes out and says,

"If I throw all three of you out of this plane and I'll make 100 crore people happy!"

Arjun Singh Jokes

Here are some Arjun singh jokes to make you smile:

WHAT IS AN ARJUN SINGH SALE ?
Ans 49.5% off.

WHICH IS ARJUN SINGH'S FAVOURITE CITY ?
Ans Kota

WHY DOESN'T ARJUN SINGH HAVE TOO MANY FRIENDS?
Ans Because he's 'reserved' by nature .

WHY DID ARJUN SINGH LEARN ARABIC?
Ans So that he could read 'backwards'.

ARJUN SINGH WAS MADE THE LAW MINISTER. HE ZAPPED EVERYONE BY CREATING ANOTHER SUPREME COURT. HE CALLED IT THE SUPREME TRIBUNAL. WHAT WAS HIS LOGIC?
Ans For every SC, there should be an ST .

IF ARJUN SINGH WERE TO MAKE A CAREER IN FILMS, WHICH JOB WOULD HE OPT FOR?
Ans Choosing the caste .

IF ARJUN SINGH OWNED A MOVIE THEATER, WHAT WOULD THE BALCONY BE CALLED?
Ans Backward Class

IF ARJUN SINGH WERE A HISTORIAN, HOW WOULD HE DIVIDE TIME?
Ans AD, BC & OBC

Letter to God

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton.

The president was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:

Dear GOD,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those bastards deducted 95%.

Democrats versus Republicans

1. Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.

2. Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out.

3. Republicans usually wear hats and always clean their paint brushes.

4. Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans wear theirs.

5. Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on the bugs.

6. Democrats name their children after currently-popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers. Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents, according to where the money is.

7. Democrats keep trying to cut down on smoking but are not successful. Neither are Republicans.

8. Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don't.

9. Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper. Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage.

10. Most of the stuff alongside the road has been thrown out of car windows by Democrats.

11. Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians, and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids, and taxes.

12. Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall.

13. Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they're entitled to a little fun first.

14. Democrats make plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.

15. Republicans sleep in twin beds--some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats.

Shocked Bush

Donald Rumsfeld gave the president his daily briefing. He concluded by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the president exclaimed. "That's terrible!"

His staff was stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sat, his head in his hands.

Finally, the president looked up and asked, "Just how many is a brazillion?"

Clever Mush

The Pakistani President, Gen Pervez Musharraf, is visiting his
friend, U.S. President George Bush, in Washington, DC.

The U.S. President offers a gift to his guest. "Here you go, Mush"
says Bush. "Try out this shiny new Cadillac. It's their finest
model."

"Thank you, Mr. President, but I cannot accept this magnificent
gift," replies the Musharraf.

"Oh. I understand about gift limits. I understand the problems you
are having in Pakistan with your non-profit associations. Ok
then ... give me a half dollar for it. Then it won't be a gift,"
replies Bush. Musharraf gives Bush a dollar.

"I don't have any change ... too bad," says the President.

"No big deal... you'll just give me two Cadillacs" retorts Musharraf.

President Bush's Funny Conversation With His Secretary

Secretary: - Mr. President, Condoleeza Rice is here to see you.
George B. : - Good, send her in.
Secretary: - Yes sir.

(Hangs up. Condi enters.)

Condoleeza: - Good morning, Mr. President.
George B. : - Oh Condoleeza, nice to see you. What's happening?
Condoleeza : - Well, Mr. President, I have the report here about the new leader in China.
George B. : - Great, Condi. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza : - Mr. President, Hu is the new leader of China.
George B. : - Well, that's what I want to know.
Condoleeza : - But that's what I'm telling you, Mr. President.
George B. : - Well, that's what I'm asking you, Condie. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza : - Yes.
George B. : - I mean the fellow's name.
Condoleeza : - Hu.
George B. : - The guy in China.
Condoleeza : - Hu.
George B. : - The new leader of China.
Condoleeza : - Hu.
George B. : - The Chinaman!
Condoleeza : - Hu is leading China, Mr. President.
George B. : - Whaddya' asking me for?
Condoleeza : - I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George B. : - Well, I'm asking you, Condie. Who is leading China?
Condoleeza : - That's the man's name.
George B. : - That's who's name?
Condoleeza : - Yes.

(Pause.)

George B. : - Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condoleeza : - That's correct.
George B. : - Then who is in China?
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Yassir is in China?
Condoleeza : - No, sir.
George B. : - Then who is?
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Yassir?
Condoleeza : - No, sir.

(Pause. Crumples paper)

George B. : - Condi, you're starting to piss me off now, and it's not 'cause you're black neither. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. So why don't you get me the Secretary General of the United Nations on the phone.
Condoleeza : - Kofi Annan?
George B. : - No, thanks. And Condi, call me George. Stop with that ebonics crap.
Condoleeza : - You want Kofi?
George B. : - No.
Condoleeza : - You don't want Kofi.
George B. : - No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Not Yassir! The guy at the United Nations.
Condoleeza : - Kofi?
George B. : - Milk! Will you please make that call?
Condoleeza : - And call who?
George B. : - Well, who is the guy at the U.N?
Condoleeza : - No, Hu is the guy in China.
George B. : - Will you stay out of China?!
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condoleeza : - Kofi.
George B. : - All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condoleeza : - Hello. Rice, here.
George B. : - Rice? Good idea. And get a couple of egg rolls, too, Condi. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get chinese food in the Middle East? I don't know.

George Bush is invited for tea ..

While visiting India , George Bush is invited to tea with

Indian President Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam."Allow me to demonstrate. "

Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr.Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says Kalam. He hangs up
and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be

using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the
Condoleeza Rice to the test. Bush summons her to the White
House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a
question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and
your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or

your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and

get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves. Rice

immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle

over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up

with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin

Powell and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a

child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who

is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds
George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who

it is! It's our Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, its Manmohan Singh!"

Rabri Devi went to Heaven

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front
Of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie
Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said Rabri,

"Who's clock is that?"

That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he
Never told a lie.

"And whose clock is that?"

That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands
Have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his
Entire life."

Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?"
Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a
Ceiling fan".

Give the money

Late one night in Washington, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money!" he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can’t do this. I’m a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "give me my money!"

Funny But True....Thats Destiny

A man is! taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a

little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.


He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing
the dog and saving the girl's life.


A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a
hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:


"Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".



The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!"


Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:



"Brave American saves life of little girl" the policeman answers.


"But I am not an American!" - says the man. Oh, what are you then?"


The man says: "I am a Pakistani!"



The next day the newspapers say: "Extremist kills innocent American dog

Politically Correct

The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after
the
attack on the Pentagon:

"I'm sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in
case

you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of
everything."

============ ========= ========= ========= =====

Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:


Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my
condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great
bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with
that..
Bush: What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!


============ ========= ========= ========= ====

Application of Driving Licence - By Laloo

Drivin Licence Applikason Faram

NOTE: Please do not Soot the person at the applikason konter. He will give you the licen. For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.


1. Last name:
(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)


2. First name:
(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)


3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)


4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable


5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right


6. Occupason:
(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed
(Check karet box)


7. Number of children libhing in the household: ___


8. Number that are yours: ___


9. Mather name: ______________________


10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no, leave blank)


11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)


12. Dental rekard:
(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color
(Check karet box)


**13.Your thumb imparesson :

(** If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impression)

PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS. Use thumb of your lepht hand only. If you dont have lepht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, thenn use thumb on lepht hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE. WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS.