Bug Spray

A salesman was traveling through the country side, flogging insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer.

"Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it."

The farmer was dubious.

"Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you. And get everyone in the county to buy a case......we will make you rich.

The salesman was delighted.


They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck!


Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him. The farmer was perplexed.

"Son," he said, "Now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?" The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked,


"Doesn't that calf have a mother?

Toilet Paper

A guy says to a salesgirl, "I want to buy some toilet paper."
She says, "What color?"
He says, "Just give me white. I'll color it myself."

Bug Spray

A salesman was traveling through the country side, flogging insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer.

"Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it."

The farmer was dubious.

"Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you. And get everyone in the county to buy a case......we will make you rich.

The salesman was delighted.


They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck!


Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him. The farmer was perplexed.

"Son," he said, "Now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?" The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked,


"Doesn't that calf have a mother?

Insurance Salesman

Peter walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.

"We don't need anyone" they replied.

"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!"

"Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job."

He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00.

"How in the world did you do that ?" they asked.

"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!"

"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."

Peter was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to close when he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. George's and this one is Mr. Robert's."

"Thats good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"

"Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"

Salesmanship...Harder One

A Pepsi salesman returns disappointed from his
Middle East assignment.

His friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the
Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the
Middle East, I was very confident that I will make a
good sales pitch there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic.
So, I planned to convey the message through 3
posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert
sand... totally exhausted and panting.

Second, the man is drinking Pepsi and

Third, the man is now totally refreshed. These
posters were pasted all over the place."

"That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak
Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from
right to left...!"

TIRED OF JOB

A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role.

"Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."

Smart Salesman

neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"