Some Funny One Lines

Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee. It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of cost today.

Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup. It will be wonderful if you drink it from an empty cup today.

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"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus."

"Don't worry, it won't happen to you. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia only."

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Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."

Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

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Patient: Doctor I heard 10 percent of the total patients undergoing this surgery die.

Doctor: Don’t worry man, those 10 percent patients operated by me are already dead. Now it’s the turn of the 90 percent survivors.

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Officers at a military installation in U.S. were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks.



Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee."



The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?"




"Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard."

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A married man was visiting his mistress one day, when she requested that he shave his beard.

"Oh James," she pleaded, "I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome, clean-shaven face."

James quickly replied, "My wife loves this beard, Jocelyn. I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!"

"Oh, please?" Jocelyn asked again, in a sexy little voice.

"Oh really, I can't," he replied. "She loves it … I just can't!"

But Jocelyn was seductively persistent, and he sighed and finally gave in.

That night, a worried James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping. The wife woke up and sleepily felt his face.

Suddenly she was wide awake and sitting bolt upright in the bed. She said tersely, "Jesus Christ, Michael! What the hell are you doing here? My husband will be home any minute!"