A Sunday school teacher asked the children in her class, "If I sold my house
and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would
I get into Heaven?"
"No!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat
and tidy, would I get into Heaven?"
Again the answer was "No!"
"Well", she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his
collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then
followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the
corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed
his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the
owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost
every afternoon your dog comes
to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his
collar: 'He lives in a home, with my non stop chatting and nagging wife,
he's trying to catch up on his sleep. .....Can I come with him tomorrow?
"Now, Joseph," said the teacher to the aggressive youngster, "what do you
think your classmates would think of you if you were always kind and
polite?"
"They'd think they could beat me up," promptly responded Joseph.
All the worries get initiated with "W"...
Who?
Why?
What?
When?
Which?
Whom?
Where?
War...
Wine...
Whisky...
Women...
Wealth...
And finally .......
agreeable or not......
WIFE...
A wife was making a breakfast for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're
cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more
butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to
STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt
them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I
don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like
when I'm driving.'
and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would
I get into Heaven?"
"No!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat
and tidy, would I get into Heaven?"
Again the answer was "No!"
"Well", she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his
collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then
followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the
corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed
his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the
owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost
every afternoon your dog comes
to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his
collar: 'He lives in a home, with my non stop chatting and nagging wife,
he's trying to catch up on his sleep. .....Can I come with him tomorrow?
"Now, Joseph," said the teacher to the aggressive youngster, "what do you
think your classmates would think of you if you were always kind and
polite?"
"They'd think they could beat me up," promptly responded Joseph.
All the worries get initiated with "W"...
Who?
Why?
What?
When?
Which?
Whom?
Where?
War...
Wine...
Whisky...
Women...
Wealth...
And finally .......
agreeable or not......
WIFE...
A wife was making a breakfast for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're
cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more
butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to
STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt
them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I
don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like
when I'm driving.'
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