Lawyer Trivia

Q. Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A. Professional courtesy.


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Q. Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A. Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and night crawlers.


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Q. What's the definition of a lawyer?
A. A mouth with a life support system.



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Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new car.



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Q. Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor?
A. No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.



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Q. What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A. The caterer.


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Q. How can you tell a lawyer is lying?
A. Other lawyers look interested.


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Q. What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.


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Q. What's the difference between a bankrupt attorney and a pigeon?
A. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.


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Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A. His lips are moving.



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Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
A. You can negotiate with a terrorist.



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Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.


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Q. If you drop a snake and an attorney off the Empire State Building, which one hits first?
A. Who cares?



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Q. What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
A. You always hear about them, but you never see them.




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Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A. Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.



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Q. What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
A. Jewelry.