Women

Things you'll never hear a woman say

1. What do you mean today's our anniversary?
2. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.
3. Ohh, this diamond ring is way too big!!
4. And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska!
5. Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here.
6. I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress.
7. Hey, pull my finger!




Unemployment

A woman who had been unemployed for several months finally got a job with Public Works. This was a little old town, so her job was to paint lines down the center of a rural road using a paint brush. The Supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set minimum of 2 miles per day of lines. The woman agrees and starts right away. The Supervisor checked at the end of day one and found that the woman had completed 4 miles, double the required average. The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the woman only accomplished 2 miles. The Supervisor thought, "Well, she's at the average and I don't want to discourage her, so I'll just keep quiet." The third day, the woman only did one mile and the boss thought, "I need to talk to her before this gets worse." The boss called the woman in and said, "The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles and yesterday only 1 mile. Why? Is there an injury? A problem? Equipment failure? What's keeping you from meeting the minimum 2 miles per day?" The woman replied, "Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away from the paint bucket!"

The top 10 things only women understand

10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.
9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.
8. Crying can be fun.
7. FAT CLOTHES.
6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.
5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.
4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.
2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes. And the number on thing that only women understand
1. OTHER WOMEN!