-Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4 pm and then bring it in to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
-If it's a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how I am doing. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
-Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
-If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training.
-If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.
-Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.(heheheheehe)
-If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
-If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
-If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
-Never introduce me to people you are with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
-Be nice to me only when the job I am doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hell.
-Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any, and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much tax on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
-Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goal SHOULD have been.
-Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost-of-living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
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