Some Funny Jokes

Boy: Grandpa, what are you reading??

Grandpa: A history book.

Boy: But thats a sex book

Grandpa: I know, that's history to me....


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A man goes to a chemist and asks for a cure for hiccups. The chemist makes the man bend over and gives him a hard slap on his back and asks, "Have they gone?" The man replied, "I don't know, my wife's in the car but I'll check..."

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A plain full of people is making the final preparations before takeoff, right before the plain starts its engines, the passengers see two guys with dark sunglasses and uniforms go with guiding dogs to the cockpit.

The plain is starting to run on the course, but instead of going up it just keeps going forward, the passengers are realizing that the plain is going to crash in pond in front of the course and start screaming, at the last second the plain goes up and manages to avoid the crash.

After five minuets the first pilot says to the second: "you know, one day they won't scream and we will all go to hell..."

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The trainers last minute instructions to a jockey were to shout "Up and Over" at each jump.

The jockey considered this stupid and ignored these instructions.

The horse clumsily tripped over the first two hurdles and then the jockey shouted "Up and Over" at each jump. So... won the race.

The trainer asked him, "What happened in the first two jumps? You ignored my instructions didnt you?"

The jockey replied, "No, the horse must be deaf."

"No way!!!" the trainer insisted. "Blind, yes....but not deaf..."

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One day a woman was attacked by a dog. A man rescues her. The reporter interviews him and the headlines next day......

"U.K citizen saves woman from rabid dog"

The man tells the reporter that he was not from U.K. Next day...

"Local Hero saves woman from rabid dog"

The man tells the reporter that he was from Afghanistan and not a Local Hero

Next day....News Headlines....

"Terrorist attacks local dog"